Lonely Succession

Fear of loneliness was the topic of discussion today for me. Wondering if I will ever find a true soul mate and if I do, will I actually let them in so I may experience true love? Thoughts emerging this morning almost lead to a breakdown for me. I stuffed the emotion unfortunately, which is one action I am trying NOT to do anymore. Stuffing the small shit sandwiches leads to big shit sandwiches eventually. After my group therapy today I left more confused of who I am and what I will do when I head home…alone. I am probably right where I am supposed to be though. Hate that expression. I have had so much growth the last few weeks and have changed, I feel it and others have witnessed the change. Change is not permanent though, it’s constant. On the bright side of things I received a voicemail today from a guy who has now announced that he loves me…  :-/ He barely knows me, we had a fling, I am into him for one thing and one thing only, and it was not for love! Too bad I was not in a clear mind when deciding to hook up with him. Now he has taken this too far and has made it creepy. Part of my change needs to be my poor decisions in relationships, not only with self, but with others. Fortunately I am working on myself vigorously on my way to a new me and a new chapter in life. Any trash WILL be thrown out. Temptation will come and temptation will go. It’s my choice to let it in or escort it out by it’s balls!!! Having a back bone for myself is tough when I am very lonely and not used to standing up for myself. The program I am currently in has been impacting my life with such power I must succeed. Succeeding is the key for me, I must succeed. I know there are others out there with the same emotions as me. We need to figure this shit out and we will have a bountiful life.



One thought on “Lonely Succession

  1. I know the feeling love. I am going through the exact same thing with myself today. Loneliness is a biznatch!! And what’s worse is the fear of being alone and not knowing who you are or what you want from life. Fortunately for you, you are starting to learn these things and you are starting to realize how to deal with these questions when they arise. I’m still learning how to get myself out of potentially shitty relationships just because I don’t want to be alone. I know it’s time to move on from certain things and people but I just can’t let go. I had a great 2 days with Colby and now I’m sucked back in. I had to drop her off at rehab yesterday and I cried the whole way home. Now, I’m feeling defenseless and completely depressed that she isn’t here. Kinda pathetic lol but this is where I need to learn to pick myself up and go about my day. That is the hard part. I feel completely stuck and considering I have nothing to do until Friday at midnight, I’m getting very depressed and have been crying a lot. Anyways lol I’m so proud of all the work you have done and all the strides you have made. Things will get better, even if we are alone. You just gotta believe in yourself 🙂 ❤ …and now I should take my own advice lol love ya! **You're Welcome, x0 AI**

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