A change has taken place in my life. I no longer despise the name my mother gave me, Joy. It has taken me a while to appreciate my name and live up to it. I still have quite a bit of appreciation to gain, but I am on way. Growing up with the name Joy meant I had to be, yup you guessed it, JOYFUL. However when you are the type of person I am and have walked a mile in my shoes, you wouldn’t be too joyful. I have survived abuse, near death situations, depression, confusion, loss, and most importantly, I survived myself, including a couple demons that were ruining me. Some day I will find the person that wakes me up saying “Morning Joy” and I will feel content, rather than contempt. If you think about it, living a life of Joy can be very difficult, especially when others EXPECT you to. Only way I can explain it is FAKE. Those mornings I wake up and think FUCK, another day, make me sick. However I put on a face of JOY and get the day over with. Today I can honestly say that is improving. Looking for myself SOBER is the journey I have started. Recently events have occurred that have totally opened my eyes to a new way of living. Now, my responsibility is to not screw it up.